Secretly, I wanted a beer...

I've been trying to convey to Christy some of the changes I've made, emotionally speaking, over the past several months. But, since I'm not really sure what's going on, it's been difficult to explain. Whatever it is, I feel...good.

I do know that for a very long time, I wasn't being real.  Secretly, I wanted a beer. And to cuss every so often. And to not give a crap about what some of my friends think about the lifestyles of my other friends. Or mine, for that matter. Mostly, I just wanted to feel free. That means I had to get comfortable being judged.

Here's the deal with judgement: whether you feel it's right or wrong, everybody judges. On some level, I think we know we're being judged because we're doing it too. It's what drives us to fix our hair and iron our shirts. And here's my unsolicited opinion about judging: I don't think it's a bad thing.

A friend of mine once noted that I put salt on my food before I tasted it saying, "You've already decided you're not going to like the taste of the food. That means you're a judgmental person."  So? In this case, I just like salt, but I am a judgmental person. And I've decided to embrace that fact rather than fight it because I'm not talking about letting my judgement affect my attitude - that's discrimination. Just because I may not like the shirt you wear doesn't mean I'm not giving you a chance to prove you're a great person to be around.    

Even if your taste in clothes is questionable. 

Anyway, I told Christy this was part of a change in my Tom-ness. I've decided to have that beer once in a while. And if you hear an f-bomb come out of my mouth, it's because I think something really deserves it. I like the fact that I have a diverse group of friends and I honor the choices they've made for their lives by not constantly trying to change their minds.

Still, I don't really know what's motivating me to chuck the facade I struggled for so long to build. I've had to face some uncomfortable facts about myself and what I've seen was disappointing. I made attempts to be what I thought God wanted me to be, but got it all confused with what church said I should be. What happened to "freedom in Christ"? I guess I've just gotten to a point my step-dad would have predicted...that is, that in the end, peace of mind comes from being at peace with your choices...