Monday, December 1, 2025

 A Very Postal Christmas 


It’s Christmas time everywhere,

The post office too.

Here’s some of what I’ve seen

When we deliver for Yule.

Thrills and chills, maybe a death-defying stunt, 

Never a dull moment, if I can be blunt. 

Tupperware and QVC stacked floor to ceiling, 

There’s nothing like “As Seen On TV” for that holiday feeling.

Loading docks are full of mail to-ing and fro-ing, 

And only the mail handlers know where it’s all going. 

If viewed from above, they’re in a synchronized dance, 

But really everyone’s flying by the seat of their pants. 

“Stack it and pack it” is the name of the game, 

If it fits, it ships - every year it’s the same.

The clerks get it sorted by hand and machine, 

Custodians struggle to keep it all clean. 

Mechanics and maintenance make the working parts run,

Believe me when I tell you it ain’t always fun.

Carriers, of course, are the face of the service,

Burdened, as it were, with extraordinary purpose.

Deliver it all - on time with a smile, every piece, every day for the very last mile.

An army of thousands dedicated to a cause:

One quasi-governmental Santa Claus.

For six weeks or so, it’s all hustle and bustle, 

So a far away loved one can hear tissue rustle. 

The pressure builds daily til you think it’ll blow,

As anyone who’s been through it will already know.

It’s crowded and hectic, and sometimes there’s cussin’,

but in the end we all know there’s no point in fussin’ 

Because the holidays aren’t special for some of us here. 

After all, we’ve been doing this every day now for years. 

Somehow it all happens - in an imperfect way,

The special postal magic to make your Christmas Day.

So, you’ve finished Christmas shopping,

For folks like dear Aunt Myrtle

(For her, a chia pet that looks just like a turtle).

Put it in the mailbox, or hit send on your cart.

You can be sure we’ll do our part.

To me the evidence is nothing but empirical:

The Christmas season at the Post Office is a modern day miracle.

Tuesday, November 25, 2025

 I had a weird melatonin dream in which I was held in contempt of court and sentenced to jail. I managed to escape but wound up naked in the process. 


After scurrying down dark alleys and back streets of some unknown city, I hid in a booth at a sports bar near a plate of chicken wings. 


“Reap The Wild Wind” by Ultravox was playing on the jukebox, and I wanted to hear a song by Blondie but I didn’t have a quarter because I didn’t have any pockets. 


Seated across from me was an old friend of mine (who happens to be an attorney in real life), and we exchanged awkward pleasantries. I hoped they would help me stay out of jail but I was distracted by the music and wings and they left without saying goodbye. Can’t imagine why.